| Thursday, February 28, 2002 |
11:37 PM | link
For people who just can't kick the needle habit, here's a lovely "Crochet Musical Fragrance Doll with matching Necklace Holder and Tissue Cover". Next week, we'll learn how to knit a toilet cozy!
11:27 PM | link
Guaranteed to keep your kids from sneaking cookies while you're not around.
11:17 PM | link
If only poor Sonny Bono were alive today, he could still be making great films.
11:00 PM | link
"What a cool old lamp! It looks wonderful lit or unlit!" Or even in a pitch-black room!
10:56 PM | link
 Everyone else thought she was crazy, but Louise was certain she heard the distinct sounds of partying coming from the
greenhouse late at night.
10:42 PM | link
We just love the subtle, sophisticated design sensibilities of most online sellers.
10:27 PM | link
"Honey, why do you have all those old broken paper towel holders? Can't I throw them out?"
"No, I'm saving them for a craft project!"
6:49 PM | link
The Hartsfield PTA finally found an alternative to Ritalin for its widespread ADD problem.
(thanks, Neal!)
6:27 PM | link
 "This is the rear seat out of the mini-van that my girlfriend had stolen from her last weekend by our (ex) crack addict house renovator. Anyway, the van has been reported stolen and all we have left is this seat."
(thanks, James!)
| Wednesday, February 27, 2002 |
8:49 PM | link
Oh, we're so glad they finally put a pop-top on those cans ... we were always cutting up our fingers on the old ones.
(thanks, Heidi!)
8:44 PM | link
We love condiments whose eyes follow you everywhere.
(thanks, Regina!)
8:40 PM | link
Angry that all her faithful years of service as the school librarian had been ignored, Eunice took her revenge out on the books ... one corner at a time.
(thanks, tgaudet!)
| Monday, February 25, 2002 |
4:02 PM | link
It's too bad she didn't include her email address. We have so many unanswered questions.
(thanks, Myra!)
3:42 PM | link
SexyGrrl8549625: Oh, baby ... you're so hot.
BaxterStockman: I know. It's my user name. The guys envy it, and the girls won't leave me alone.
(thanks, Treytor!)
3:28 PM | link
Well, at least the insurance would be cheap.
(thanks, Tim!)
3:25 PM | link
She's got our vote: Barbie was enjoying a successful campaign ... her numbers were up in the polls, and people really seemed to be connecting with her vision for the future. Unfortunately, it was only a matter of time before her past caught up with her.
(thanks, Tracy!)
3:11 PM | link
Oh, absolutely. Because if there's anything we're short on, it's teenage mothers.
(thanks, Loree!)
| Sunday, February 24, 2002 |
12:58 PM | link
 Hi, boys and girls! We're going to have lots of fun today -- first we're going to sing a few songs and play a little game, and then we're all going to go visit Mr. Small Intestine!
(thanks, Christiecat)
12:53 PM | link
What's missing from today's popular music: good old-fashioned showmanship.
(thanks, bbrock!)
12:48 PM | link
This would be a great gift for a friend on a low-sodium diet.
(thanks, Erika!)
12:38 PM | link
 "If you're doing a mod room [or a lot of acid] then you need this."
12:26 PM | link
Yes but will they match the sofa?
12:23 PM | link
Hurry! You've only got 3 days and 5 hours left to bid on your very own Jon Bon Jovi snow globe!
(thanks, Raven!)
| Thursday, February 21, 2002 |
2:05 AM | link
Well, good thing you didn't waste the last 40 years of your life!
(thanks, Mark!)
2:02 AM | link
 Uh, on second thought, maybe we'll just sit here in the dark.
(thanks, editrix!)
1:52 AM | link
"Can't you just imagine your little boy wearing this for Easter?" And hating you for the rest of his life?
(thanks, BJ!)
1:51 AM | link
"The pictures actually do not do justice to the skull."
(thanks, Tim!)
1:50 AM | link
Y'know, we always did want a corvette that could seat 12.
(thanks, Trixie!)
1:48 AM | link
It'd make for an interesting wine carafe.
(thanks, Christina!)
1:40 AM | link
 If yew don't buy mah Billy's go-kart, I swear I'll drive it over and do donuts on yer yard. Then yew kin go to mah cousin's church and ask God to fergive yew for bein' such a damned fool.
(thanks, Tim!)
1:30 AM | link
It's not every paperweight that comes with a free history lesson.
(thanks, Michael!)
1:27 AM | link
Even voodoo priestesses like to get dressed up sometimes: "Why would anyone wear a chicken foot pin?"
(thanks, Teri!)
1:25 AM | link
"This is an amateur video" is code for "I forgot to remove the lens cap", isn't it?
(thanks, Barbara!)
1:21 AM | link
Are you absolutely sure there's no nudity or sexual photos here?
(thanks, Steve!)
1:16 AM | link
 ps: The fact that I'm missing four toes on my left foot has nothing to do with why I'm selling this skateboard. It's just a coincidence.
(thanks, Spencer!)
1:13 AM | link
Faster than a speeding spermatazoa! Able to leap tall ova in a single bound!
(thanks, Fatal Delay!)
1:07 AM | link
"Man, I told you that Barbie chick was undercover vice."
1:05 AM | link
In case you college guys were wondering, this kind of thing happens over in the girls' dorm all the time. Really!
12:57 AM | link
 The Churchill Ladies Civic Association has dedicated themselves to ridding the world of unsightly facial tissue boxes.
12:47 AM | link
Mom! Dad! Look! I got merit badges in first aid, camping, and polygamy!
12:45 AM | link
"[My husband] rides a Harley and does not like to smell 'fluffy and girly' around his buddies."
12:44 AM | link
Move over, Levi's: here come HOT FEMALE EX-CON PRISON RELEASE JEANS.
12:39 AM | link
Just the thing to instill a dread fear of clowns and vegetables in your child.
12:27 AM | link
 Three-year-old Brian Johnston of Germantown, TN proudly shows off the new toy his parents bought him at some online auction.
| Sunday, February 17, 2002 |
12:08 PM | link
Next time on "As Ebay Turns": Maureen tells Cliff she's leaving him and taking the children; desperate to save his marriage, Cliff attempts a foolish stunt and winds up in jail; Cliff's son Jeffrey gets suspended from school for having an affair with his math teacher; Jeffrey's sister Libby gets elected Prom Queen; Melanie and Brenda plot to ruin the prom and Libby's reputation; Martha puts her duplex on the market and moves in with a mysterious man she met at the senior center; and Deb trips over another orange crate in the living room.
(thanks, Mark!)
11:54 AM | link
Grandma's croquet club figured out a sure-fire way to win the local tournment.
(thanks, Pete!)
11:46 AM | link
 Even JoJo the Wonder Poodle couldn't help Mr. Giggles kick his methadone habit.
11:38 AM | link
"This does work." I know because I spent my whole lunch hour testing it.
11:36 AM | link
I'm selling this clock because I keep hurting myself every time I try to hit the snooze button.
11:34 AM | link
 Despite his wife's objections, Jerry was determined to follow his dream of becoming a Las Vegas showgirl. He'd even picked out a headdress!
11:26 AM | link
Tommy's art teacher felt it was a good time for a parent-teacher conference.
11:24 AM | link
Looking for a special gift for a ventroloquist with four arms?
11:20 AM | link
I'm so confused! Should I mount it or use it as a purse?
| Friday, February 15, 2002 |
12:39 PM | link
 Hillary Clinton poses with Jimmy, age 13, devout pot smoker, and his 10-year-old brother Billy, future president of the Republican Zombies of America.
12:25 PM | link
Hey kids! It's Barbie's Dream Armory!
12:22 PM | link
Of course, no electricity was used in printing these magazines.
12:19 PM | link
 Curious George goes to a frat party.
12:07 PM | link
Gramma was tired of making needlepoint hearts and flowers and teddy bears. She wanted a more exciting pattern.
11:58 AM | link
When we were your age, we had to walk 12 miles uphill in the snow to have an orgasm.
11:47 AM | link
We think this would be an excellent place to hide your stash.
| Thursday, February 14, 2002 |
1:55 PM | link
 Happy Valentine's Day! If you forgot to get your sweetie a present, fear not! WWBT is here to help with these last-minute gift suggestions:
You can't go wrong with false childhood memories.
Candy is one of the most popular V-Day gifts, and it's easy to see why; what guy or gal wouldn't be swept away by a box of chocolate body parts?
 We just love getting kissing advice from complete strangers!
What could be more romantic than a Harley Davidson necklace? Not much (although the FBI files on the St. Valentine's Day Massacre come close!)
Forget flowers and teddy bears -- today's discerning school children are exchanging valentines that depict the excitement of NASCAR.
 It's just not a holiday if you're not wearing an overdone theme sweater with light-up panties. Oh, and don't forget your scrunchie!
Planning on popping the question this evening? Here's a tip: girls like nothing better than receiving a cheap plastic novelty engagement ring to remember that special moment.
And finally, if you're the one whose beloved forgot what day it is, a few good whacks with this heart-shaped mallet ought to help him or her remember next year.
| Monday, February 11, 2002 |
6:54 PM | link
"I keep manufacturing costs low by gathering the raw materials and draining them all by myself."
6:51 PM | link
And the children asleep, all snug in their beds
While visions of exhaust pipes rumbled in their heads...
6:50 PM | link
Mommy, is it true that you and Daddy met in a bar?
| Sunday, February 10, 2002 |
11:41 AM | link
Not to be outdone by Fabio, Franz and Franz hatched their own plan to meet a rich lady for lunch.
1:33 AM | link
What good is a belt buckle without a red light that moves from side to side?
1:16 AM | link
"Just when you were saying that you need more stuff like you need a hole in your head..."
| Saturday, February 09, 2002 |
1:04 PM | link
 You'd be sad, too if you knew somebody was about to set fire to you.
12:48 PM | link
"Happy Valentine's Day, honey! I got you something very special!"
"That mink coat I've been wanting for so long?"
"Er, not quite -- but my gift is furry and will keep you warm!"
| Friday, February 08, 2002 |
12:25 PM | link
It's not every day you get to have lunch with an "international romance superstar".
1:02 AM | link
 MC Hammer meets "Gone with the Wind".
(thanks, Ann!)
12:58 AM | link
A sculpture of a man's pants with a small crack... hmm...
(thanks, Pete!)
12:54 AM | link
Buy a complete set and you can invite the whole trailer park over for dinner!
(thanks, Raven!)
12:51 AM | link
What better way to say "I love you" than on a roll of toilet paper?
(thanks, Michelle!)
12:50 AM | link
Pity they couldn't get John Belushi to be their model.
(thanks, Dan!)
12:46 AM | link
"Unassuming museum biology department lackey by day, repressed art school grad by night..."
(thanks, Heather!)
12:40 AM | link
Darling, will you mar-GOAL! YEAHHHH! WOOOOOOO!
(thanks, Eskimo!)
12:37 AM | link
When you put gorgeous in quotes, you're using it ironically, right?
(thanks, Rachel!)
12:29 AM | link
 Marcy held the tri-county record for skeletonizing cattle.
(thanks, bj!)
12:24 AM | link
You know those squishy foam stress relievers you get at trade shows? They're usually shaped like a globe or an apple -- you know, something you want to squeeze.
(thanks, John!)
| Thursday, February 07, 2002 |
1:31 AM | link
Little Timmy was afraid of Mommy's new lamp ... every time he tried to turn it on, he lost a finger.
(thanks, Christi!)
1:13 AM | link
 FOR SALE: Babe magnet
(thanks, Ramon!)
1:02 AM | link
Packed with "rare, vintage, antique" peanuts, Snickers really horrifies.
(thanks, Trish!)
| Sunday, February 03, 2002 |
3:24 PM | link
"Better a sweater from a dog you know and love than from a sheep you'll never meet."
(thanks, Megan!)
3:17 PM | link
 Big Rhonda loved making new friends. Especially down at the local truck stop, where the truckers always said 'yes' when she asked them to dance.
(thanks, Tim!)
2:35 PM | link
'A picture's worth a thousand words...' although in this case we'd settle for a brief description.
(thanks - we think - Dave!)
2:32 PM | link
Buy the pink one for your daughter and the blue one for your son.
(thanks, Jeremy!)
2:26 PM | link
Mugs we'd rather not drink out of: A, B, C.
(thanks, Sue & Ariana & Winnie!)
1:55 PM | link
But what do they smell like?
1:41 PM | link
 Fed up with the lack of variety in menswear, Mr. Jenkins began dabbling in accessorizing.
1:33 PM | link
"Oh no, officer -- I wasn't stalking N'Sync. I just happened to be in the same place they were -- with my camcorder pointed at them for 17 minutes! It's all just a big coincidence!"
1:23 PM | link
What time zone are they in? Somebody thought it'd be wise to sell Superbowl tickets in an auction that ends tomorrow. (Although seeing as they misspelled the name of their own state, we can understand how that whole time/date thing seems really complicated.)
1:17 PM | link
Watching the Superbowl is ok, but it doesn't come close to the heart-pounding excitement of playing Bingo.
12:10 PM | link
From the land of BMW comes yet another example of fine German engineering.
| Saturday, February 02, 2002 |
3:16 PM | link
People asked her all the time, but Martha would never reveal the secret ingredient in her bloody marys.
3:08 PM | link
Just make sure you don't hit the wrong power switch.
3:02 PM | link
The sad thing is, he's probably getting an MFA for this.
2:53 PM | link
 Polly's death baffled the veterinary staff -- her owners had taken excellent care of her, even replacing her old cage with a sealed glass dome to keep harmful germs out.
2:12 PM | link
"Hello, tech support? I have a problem. See, I sort of accidentally made my friends go blind..."
1:57 PM | link
"Upon closer inspection things get a bit weird."
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