7:31 PM | link
 That's funny, eh? Our neighbors up north are amusing themselves while waiting for the spring thaw by posting ugly objects on eBay. Members of a discussion board on eBay Canada are running a contest to see who can dredge up the worst item, from horrid lamps and bizarre clocks to really questionable clothing.
Search "UICTS" for more gems.
(thanks, Heather & Andrew!)
7:30 PM | link
Now all you Trump fans can play along at home with The Apprentice: Home Edition.
(thanks, Aaron & Kari!)
6:55 PM | link
Some people like to have sex in front of the window, though usually they're inside the building.
(thanks, Daniel!)
6:51 PM | link
Jesus said, "I am the light of the world." At the very least, he's the light of your living room.
(thanks, Maggie!)
6:46 PM | link
How to tell when it's time to leave home for the big city.
(thanks, April!)
6:43 PM | link
"The actual plate and screws (that are still inside my leg) will also be sent to the winning bidder at a later date if they are ever removed from my body." If they aren't removed, can we have your leg when you die?
(thanks, Kevin!)
6:25 PM | link
Will they still honor your bid if your last name is Satan?
(thanks, Buck!)
10:01 PM | link
"I got these shoes for my father for his Vegas wedding day." And we bet they matched his white satin dress very nicely.
9:57 PM | link
"If you are an interior desiners [sic] you cannot be without this book." Also, maybe you could come over and help me fix up my house?
11:01 AM | link
Can't get a date for the prom? Good news - several fine young men are offering their services on eBay. Here are two you could choose from (but take your time, you don't want to make the wrong choice!)
 
UPDATE (10:19pm): Sadly, eBay pulled both of these auctions but don't despair: more suitors are available, from the selective ("will date pretty much anything") to the successful ("I also am involved with many movies in development. So I am semi-famous.") And fellas, don't miss your chance to win a date with Danielle.
9:03 PM | link
EBay's rock 'n roll memorabilia category typically includes tour jackets, gold records, and the ubiquitous autographed guitar. But how often do you get a chance to bid on one of Elvis' kitchen floor tiles? Or any of these other gems:
6:00 PM | link
 How to tell your guests the party's over: Turn off the music and put on a record. Whether it's a Christian ventriloquist and her transexual dummy or the melodious hum of farm machinery, smart guests will get the hint that it's time to go.
After all, what thinking guest really wants to stick around and learn how to play chess, take dictation or buy a hearing aid?
Still have a few stragglers? Usher them out the door with Christian birdcalls, 30-year-old Pizza Hut commercials, or the sounds of childbirth.
And if they still don't get it, it's time to let the dogs out.
5:59 PM | link
Odds of winning the lottery: 15 million to 1.
Odds of selling your lottery tickets on eBay: better than that.
(thanks to everyone who submitted this!)
5:59 PM | link
They say cockroaches can survive a nuclear bomb - but apparently they're no match for spray paint.
(thanks, Stephen!)
5:58 PM | link
Well, that's one way to eliminate spyware.
(thanks, Eric!)
5:58 PM | link
And they say American high school students have no interest in science...
(thanks, Ginny!)
5:57 PM | link
"Give your property an 'enchanted forest look'." Or just keep the neighbor's kids off your lawn.
(thanks, Stephen!)
4:21 PM | link
Karl's parents thought it was cute when their little boy said he wanted to change his name and fly around the world when he grew up. Of course, they thought he was talking about becoming an airplane pilot.
(thanks, Peter & Luba!)
3:36 PM | link
Crimes of Fashion: Martha Stewart's fabled prison poncho (worn during her release from the big house) has spurred plenty of interest on eBay, where dozens of auctions for hand-crocheted wraps in drab colors promise that you too can look like the reformed jailbird.
10:15 AM | link
 Susie's parents were determined to help her get over her fear of the dark; unfortunately, their solution created a whole new set of problems.
(thanks, Pat & Abby!)
10:07 AM | link
Timmy, when I said you had to write a book report for class I didn't mean you could just choose any book!
(thanks, EuroTights!)
10:04 AM | link
Hell hath no fury like a sister scorned.
(thanks, Pope John Paul!)
10:25 PM | link
Lesson #85769 in Misguided Parenting: "My husband and I thought this would be a great memory for us to tell our little boy all through his life 'You was named by a winning bidder (your name here) on ebay!!'"
2:30 PM | link
Why you should never steal photos from another seller's listing.
1:34 PM | link
Wouldn't it be ironic if the kid grew up and became a compulsive gambler?
(Here's the auction.)
11:34 AM | link
 Snow White: The Heroin Years
(thanks, Claire!)
11:33 AM | link
"If you win the auction, I'll lend you my wife for a weekend."
(thanks, Nick!)
11:29 AM | link
"There's millions of cats in the world, now you can put them to good use."
(thanks, John & Mark!)
11:25 AM | link
World's Luckiest Shift Knob. No kidding.
(thanks, Friendly - and congratulations on surviving!)
11:17 AM | link
Because little kids love nothing more than playing with sharp hand tools.
(thanks, Kristi!)
11:11 AM | link
 "The winning bidder not only gets a vegetable, but receives a true friend for life or until he rots away."
(thanks, Michael!)
11:09 AM | link
If you keep your money in this bank, will it multiply?
(thanks, LittlePuppykins!)
10:53 AM | link
Joann was a very "down-to-earth" person - right down to her perfume.
(thanks, Heather & Andrew!)
10:52 AM | link
 4x4 Off-Road Hunting Buggy: Why bother with all that tedious walking when you can drive right through the woods in search of your prey?
(thanks, Don!)
10:51 AM | link
"Look Ma! I'm a fictional character in an unpublished book!"
(thanks, Soulman!)
10:45 AM | link
Somewhere in China, a factory worker is wondering what the hell is wrong with Americans.
(thanks, Carol!)
10:41 AM | link
It could be worse: Grampa's beard could still be attached to his body.
(thanks, Tara!)
10:34 AM | link
"Mommy, how come I don't have any brothers or sisters?"
"Well dear, you did sort of have a brother once... but we auctioned him off on eBay."
(thanks, Jerad & Candice!)
10:33 AM | link
 M-I-C (Cook ya real soon!),
K-E-Y (Why? Because we're hungry!),
T-A-T-E-R!
(thanks, Rick & Lorilee!)
10:25 AM | link
So, uh, can I use these to shoot at things?
(thanks, Brett!)
10:23 AM | link
If nothing else, you'd have a built-in excuse for dancing poorly.
(thanks, Jennifer!)
10:13 AM | link
"This item is perfect for the vegan that loves animals but also craves their intestines."
(thanks, Karen!)
3:56 PM | link
 Elvis has left the auction block: The King may be dead but his legacy lives on in thousands of eBay auctions every week. Goodies up for grabs currently include a 15,000 piece collection of Elvis memorabilia, a bed & breakfast overlooking Elvis' birthplace in Mississippi, a bottle of pills prescribed by Elvis' doctor, a hand-crafted stained glass window, and a picture of Elvis giving the seller's aunt his autograph.
3:46 PM | link
For every woman who's every dreamed of having a killer rack (read the full story).
11:48 AM | link
Welcome back, Martha: To honor the domestic diva's upcoming prison release, why not post an online welcome? And you budget-minded buyers have several options to choose from as well.
11:31 AM | link
Here's a fitting graduation gift for a UC Santa Cruz or Berkeley student.
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