12:56 AM | link
Some family trees are large and proud, their branches blossoming with nobility and genius. And then there are the Millers.

12:42 AM | link
Please just tell us it's incapable of reproduction.

(thanks, Pat & Jim!)

12:35 AM | link
"It's so cute, Jean -- our son Bobby and some of his little schoolmates have started a band. They're calling themselves the Odor-eaters. Wait, that's not it. Oh, here he comes, I'll ask him. Bobbykins, dearie, what's the name of your little band again?"

(thanks, Grant!)

12:30 AM | link
"Here it is," says Anthony Edwards, beaming with delight as he invites a visitor inside his "silver love sub."

(thanks, Tim!)

12:25 AM | link
The downside is, you just know what's going to happen the first time the child sits on a real horse.

(thanks, Lise!)

12:20 AM | link
"Leather as soft as a baby's behind! You will want to touch it often."

(thanks, Dan!)

12:19 AM | link
"Don't pass up this stupendous opportunity to allow Randolph the Amazing to purge your home or apartment of evil!"

(thanks, aardvarko!)

12:16 AM | link
Lots of kids dream of becoming comic book heroes when they grow up.

(thanks, Luke!)

12:14 AM | link
So are there any monkeys out there that aren't strange?

(thanks, Luke and Winnie!)

12:10 AM | link
You can dress him up, but you sure as hell can't take him out.

(thanks, Chrissy!)

11:55 PM | link
At a recent meeting, Earl Crabtree, President of the Iowa Low Riders Club, explained how he began lowriding: "The wife, she's crazy for those hydraulic shocks. She had me put a set on the tractor, and what can I say, amigo? I've been down ever since."

(thanks, Tim!)

11:49 PM | link
"Gee, these mugs sure are ugly. Nobody's going to buy them! Wait, I know -- I bet if I distract viewers with scandalous photography they'll bid!"

(thanks, Oscar!)

11:42 PM | link
Yeah, yeah, I'm patriotic, whatever. Now shut up and open a can of tuna already.

(thanks, Jane!)

11:37 PM | link
Don't forget to have your parents sign your permission slips, kids!

11:36 PM | link
Decisions, decisions...

12:55 PM | link
Guess the disk drive isn't the only thing that's hard in this auction.

(thanks, Roog!)

9:47 PM | link
And in case your attempts to provide first aid fail...

9:45 PM | link
"Guys, here's your chance to see the films you missed out on in the fifth grade." (We promise you they weren't anything like this.)

12:12 PM | link
It's prom season! Ahh, our favorite time of the year, when handsome young gentlemen in stylish tuxedos accompany demure young ladies wearing tasteful, elegant gowns to a night of unforgettable magic!

Finding the right dress isn't easy when there are so many wonderful styles and colors to choose from! Show off your curves with a giant ass bow or figure-hiding ruffles. Narrow shoulders? Not anymore! Compliment your creamy complexion with the right color. And what girl doesn't want to look like Little Bo Peep on prom night? (Better leave the sheep in the limo!)

Of course nothing says "festive" like a gown your grandma made. Oh look, she made your cousin's dress, too!

(Don't have a date, girls? Why not go as a group?)

The right shoes and accessories can make or break the outfit.

Whatever you wear, we're sure you'll take his breath away! Have fun, kids -- at the prom and especially afterwards.

(ps: Don't forget to cast your vote for prom queen!)

11:51 AM | link
Dear boss, on behalf of the whole staff I'd like to say thanks for being such a strong leader. And to show your just how much we appreciate your powerful, decisive leadership, we got you a little present.

11:47 AM | link
Unlike most boys his age, Leonard didn't want to collect stamps or coins.