2:42 PM | link
Budget-cutting measures at the Ministry of Defence forced James Bond to give up his high-tech gadgetry for more modest weapons.

2:38 PM | link
My great-great-grandma and great-great-grampa went to San Francisco, and all they got me was this lousy souvenir.

2:38 PM | link
What's round and goes "Wakka-wakka-wakka-wakka"?

2:38 PM | link
Here's your chance to one-up that geek at work who has a scale model of the Millenium Falcon suspended above his cube.

11:16 PM | link
Even at an early age, Britney's love of cutting-edge fashion and intellectual discourse were apparent.

10:09 PM | link
Three things kids love rolled up into one fun-tastic toy: teddy bears, alcohol, and shoddy electrical wiring.

(thanks, Martha!)

10:09 PM | link
How to get that big-shot ex-military husband of yours to do the dishes.

10:09 PM | link
"Remember that fateful day, when the boys were sent to recess, and the girls stayed behind, and you wondered what was going on in the classroom, and why they separated you?"

10:08 PM | link
Nothing lends an air of refinement to your home like professionally framed, high-class artwork.

10:08 PM | link
Every boy in town wanted to crack open Jenny's bank.

10:08 PM | link
After you've finished your cake and opened your presents, you can play pin the grenade on the enemy.

10:08 PM | link
"A stunning piece of art. Just look at the picture!"

10:07 PM | link
Funny, you don't sound like you're "DRUG AND ACHOUL FREE!!!!!!!"

(thanks, Dubby Doo!)

10:07 PM | link
Wear latex gloves while reading: "Book is in WAY USED condition."

(thanks, Connie!)

10:07 PM | link
Can't afford the official Matrix Reloaded Neo trenchcoat? You can still have a little Keanu next to your skin.

(thanks, SkipUhBeat!)

10:07 PM | link
I don't understand why my flowers keep dying.

(thanks, Tikifish!)

10:07 PM | link
If you try to steal my purse, it'll bite you.

(thanks, Michele!)

10:06 PM | link
Decanter comes with a built-in mirror, allowing you to take a good, long look at yourself every time somebody asks why on earth you bought that horrid thing.

(thanks, Caroline!)

10:06 PM | link
If you win this, will you have to build an underground garage to store it?

(thanks, Andrew & Ben!)

10:06 PM | link
"Do you want something that's totally unique? Sure to draw attention?" Guaranteed to set off metal detectors at the airport?

(thanks, Keith!)

10:06 PM | link
Next time you pull a wishbone and get the short end, you can try for the best two out of three.

(thanks, Luel!)

10:05 PM | link
But the rest of you stayed home? "I WAS IN A CAR WRECK AND I BROK MY KNEE AND MY RIGHT ELBOW WAS IN THE HOSPITAL"

(thanks, Mark!)

10:04 PM | link
I used to have two cats, but one of them vanished without a trace one day.

(thanks, Melinda!)

10:04 PM | link
I'm a superhero! And my special superhero power is, uh, fabulousness!

(thanks, Ryan!)